Thursday, October 9, 2014

Connections



I've been writing here for nearly six months now and even though there are days I have trouble figuring out what to share...days I don't want to write anything at all...I think that is to be expected, considering the subject matter, and that I'm not alone in this. I've not yet had the pleasure of meeting the other six widows posting here. I hope to, very much, one day. I feel connected to them, that we share a similar pain and understanding, even given our different particulars and places on the planet...I also do feel connected to the frequent commenters, as well as the many readers I know are out there who simply find solace in what we write here, by themselves, in their own way....and I just want to say I am very thankful for this.

Last week my grief therapist called...unless there's a schedule change there's not usually a need for her to call me, so I was surprised to receive her voicemail. Another widow had been seeing her and mentioned she had found Widow's Voice online and had been reading our posts; she isn't here much longer, on her way back to California to be with her daughter, but while she was here she wondered if anyone knew me, to get in touch. We had lunch this week, and I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to have met her and shared our stories. To share a long hug and the unspoken understanding of what it means to belong to our terrible club, even though we'd only just met.

I am always keen to connect with another widow. It usually means instant camaraderie.  No matter how different we are as people, no matter how far  apart we reside, having lost our spouse means we can relate. Terrible as that is...I am finding it is also deeply supportive to have that understanding given the awful shock we've been through. To be able to tell each other's stories, to listen and commiserate and really get the pain and the troubles we face now in our lives without our mates. I note that Kerryl posted this week too about how much it helped to spend time with another widow...that we feel less alone in our experience, and I quite agree.

I haven't had the chance yet to attend Camp Widow but I see what a uniquely special gift it is to have that chance to meet, in real time, in real life. I am grateful this organization is available for those of us wishing for this opportunity.

It doesn't matter what else we have going on in our strange "new" realities without our loved one. Some of us might be still feeling very homebound and reeling; some of us might be dealing with financial or family issues; some of us might have found new life paths or even new relationships....but no matter what, we all miss our spouses. No matter what, so many of us still want to cling to the old life...we still long to experience the world with the ones we married and pledged to love and honor 'til death.

'Til death. Who knew it would come so soon.

I am so profoundly grateful for the beautiful widowed people who have come across my path since Mike died. They have made all the difference for me. I hope and wish we all will continue to share, and connect, and cry together, and heal together.

Thanks for being there...all of you.

8 comments:

  1. I so get it Stephanie. I identify completely with not wanting to write at all some days, and with the camaraderie and that often unspoken bond that we share with one another. Just to know that we are not alone is so comforting. I spent the first year and a half or so very isolated, and very alone. The difference in the quality of my life and the ability to find peace and healing since becoming a part of the widowed community - in connecting with you all both by reading and by writing, and indeed by reaching out to those who are in my local community, is like night and day. Out of the darkness and into the light! Thank you so much for baring your soul, and for doing what you do. I am grateful for each and every one of you who has the courage to share your experiences, even when you do not want to. Especially when you do not want to. May God continue to bless you all :-)

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    1. Like night and day, indeed. Thank YOU Glenn for being there and sharing so much about your life and healing. We all benefit from your writing too, and appreciate your comments here very much. Blessings to you too.

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  2. Stephanie you are so right about that connection. I have met two widows through posting on widowed village. Yes there is that instant connection and am so grateful for the new friendships I have made. Thank you for being here and writing for us each week. I do not always comment but come here to read everyday and it is so helpful on this journey we wish we weren't on.

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    1. I'm glad to hear connections being made at Widowed Village too. Another great aspect of the organization...so important. I appreciate your comment today and thanks for coming here and reading and supporting.

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  3. Within a short time of starting my new job a fellow widow sort me out. In normal circumstances we would only have a nodding hi kind of relationship but because of our shared experience we have a much deeper one and can always seek each other out if needed

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    1. Yup. That shared experience will almost always do that. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. As soon as I turn on my computer each morning, I read the daily "Widow's Voice" post. It helps me start my day. I actually look forward to reading what each daily writer has to say because I now feel connected to each of you. Because each post is written from the heart, I really get it and (in some strange way) it makes me feel as if I understand and at the same time I feel understood.

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    1. Hi Ruthie, thank you for commenting...your presence here is felt and appreciated. I'm glad to hear you get support by coming by each morning, it means a lot...it really works both ways and I thank you for being here.

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