There is a lot going in my life right now that I can't share here. It's too personal. But it's good.
What I can tell you is that I am happy.
I never thought I would ever meet this mystical beast ever again, but here it is, showing up in my day and making me smile for no good reason.
Not the legendary, mythical HAPPY that we all hear about in fairytales.
But the happy that comes from lifting your eyes from the floor and seeing that life is really not so bad.
I have chosen to believe that my one-sided conversations with Greg are really two sided and that he is letting me know what he thinks and feels about things.
Case in point ....
I had an attack of the "uglies" the other day. Not that I am a particularly vain person, but the last time I allowed myself to be vulnerable to another human (other than Greg) was when I was 22 years old and 22 years younger than I am now.
Growing up, I had two grandmothers who were determined that vanity was not a sin I would ever have and so they both managed to convince me that I was a "solid" girl who was plain. I don't hold it against them - that was the thinking back then. But I wished I'd listened to my mother who told me what a beauty I was.
Anyhooo - there I was, having an attack of the uglies last Friday night when I decided to look in a cupboard that contained yet more of Greg's "stuff". ... and I found a motherload of his old photos.
He had photos from the night we met (I looked shy and a bit lost) and he had photos from our early dating life that I had never seen. I looked young and fresh and positvely beautiful. Certainly not "solid" or "plain".
...and he had a couple of photos of me (and he) all dolled up at a friend's wedding that were positively smokin' hot!
...and just like that, the "uglies" went away and I knew that my boy had shown me what he saw when he looked at me.
So yeah - happy.
It doesn't come in with a fanfare and a show of light.
It sneaks up on you and surprises you when you think it has gone for ever...